My New Year's Resolutions

I don't normally make New Year's Resolutions because they are such flimsy creatures. However, this is a pivotal stage of my life and I don't see how using the turning of the calender as another excuse to think through my decisions could hurt. I know you're thinking I've already wasted a whole day of this year or that I'm lazy, and though  you'd be right on both accounts, you should also know I'm leaning on some old revisionist tendencies of mine today so bear with me.

To improve the custom of New Year's resolution making, I propose that after the first day of the New Year has passed and you've had time to rethink your resolutions, there should be a tradition to be honest with yourself about your ambitions. Why are you trying to lose ten pounds? Do you really need to reconnect with you flaky friends? Why should stop cracking your knuckles? If you don't have a good answer today, that resolution isn't gonna stick.

I work with wonderful people at the library. I like almost all of my co-workers who I've gotten to know, which is generally how it goes with me and people. However, I have a lot of trouble conveying that I like them solely due to the fact that I am a pretty awkward conversationalist these days. I'm okay with small talk but after the acceptable number of exchanges, people tend to think you're talking to them about the weather because you're just making conversation to be polite and don't really like them all that much or even find their existence interesting. But I love talking about the weather! What other people say about the weather tells me a million things about them! And I love learning things about people!**

Naturally, I would like to resolve to become witty and eloquent. I've been so before. But I think I have now achieved the social awkwardness I worked tirelessly to avoid since like, second grade. It takes a lot of effort to be socially competent and I am really lazy and have found better things to invest my energy in.

Ah, but there's another twist! One of the things, if not The Thing that I've chosen to invest my energy in is the building of good communities. Co-workers, ideally, form a community around their shared workplace and common work experiences. When they don't, they create an uncomfortable environment for everyone involved. This is the reason that there are so many pop-management books.

So, how do you create community even though you are socially awkward because when you said you didn't have cable, your co-worker thought TV was against your religion and not because you don't have that kinda cash? Well, for now I figure if I stick around long enough, they'll eventually get it. Keep your enemies close and you'll probably stop calling them enemies. Except, of course, in jest.

So, my revised resolution is to refuse to allow my awkwardness to dissuade me from communicating with my co-workers. Or people in general. Because sometimes the awkwardness is their fault and there's no reason I should have to do the work of smoothing things over. I don't have to make them feel okay about their preconceived notions of Muslim Americans or Muslim American women. But it wouldn't be fair of me to not provide them with opportunities to learn/do better. And to be fair, I also resolve to be more sensitive to realizing when the awkwardness is actually my fault and then, and ONLY then, breaking out some wit and/or eloquence.



**Disclaimer: I really don't like gossip, though. I don't stop people from telling me gossip but I will try my best not to repeat it and usually resent the gossiper for now creating the possibility of the awkward situation in which I have to make my knowledge of their gossip known. I should try to use gossip I hear for good from now on. Is that another resolution? Let's save that one for another time.